Nightclubs are a temporary escape from the pressures of real life. Unified by the music we love, and aided by the lights, lasers, and special effects, we're taken away to a temporary utopia where we can hedonistically worship life. It's magic sometimes. Making magic happen isn't automatic; it takes people to create and control magic.
We are those people.
Our projects span a wide range of disciplines, but all of them streamline the operation, or enhance the experience of our not-so-little nightlife offering. It takes pride to wear the Betatech t-shirt (but not so much to do the work).
We're an interesting group of individuals, for certain, and it gets more interesting when we're together. From turning on the fans that keep the dancers' from getting cranky, to changing the brightness on the manager's computer screen, these are the brave men (and woman) who tame the electricity, and fire magic from their asses.
Meet the technicians.
Also known as PXLVSN, he's the underappreciated digital artist, who can also swing a wrench pretty hard -- so long as it's a Techno Wrench.
The guy's got a serious talent for delivering really impressive results starting with almost literally nothing, so long as he has some semblance of interest in what you're asking for. On the downside, he's almost certainly going to make you feel like a complete ass just for asking, or perhaps just for assuming that his time be so un-valuable that he'd even consider doing the work you require.
Last we heard, he was slinging poorly burned copies of illegally recorded live DJ mixes in a dimly lit alley. That might be inaccurate, though, because I think we heard it from that homeless dude who lives under the upper patio.
Cornish does what he's told, and does it pretty damned well. That, and the DJs love him, so he's proven himself a pretty worthwhile addition to the Betatech team.
He started out as a Personal Assistant, but quickly advanced to being the best damned DJ Babysitter there ever was, even being requested by some of the biggest names in the industry. Not that we could remember any of those names, but they were some of the biggest, for sure.
Despite a promising future, Cornish disappeard suddenly one day without warning. At first we suspected his girlfriend, but she was cleared when someone else's semen was found on the t-shirt she was wearing at the time. Details are still hazy, but from what we gather, he went to jail for selling drastically expired placebo pills to underage Chad-Bros or something.
While not really a technician in any respect (we don't trust him to touch anything, and he's probably too weak to lift it anyway), we let him hang around and feel special.
Somehow Lance got really popular with a lot of famous DJs. All that free liquor that wasn't his to give away, and the fact that he made the decisions about how much they got paid probably had absolutely nothing to do with it. So, if you're a groupie, fan-girl, DJ hoe (etc..), Lance is a pretty good sidekick to have for a day.
He's also got a serious talent for always being accompanied by hot, young girls -- usually blondes. Not bad, Lance. Not bad.
Eric doesn't really have any idea what he's doing, which is almost certainly why he's so damned good at it. It is really frustrating for people to see their poorly adept coworkers get praised for something that most definitely, 100% certainly should not receive praise, and Eric has mastered the art of invoking such praise.
So, while the rest of the world thinks he's a video slinging god, his coworkers secretly hate his guts. Nobody will ever do nor say anything, though, because you can always rely on Eric somehow attracting no less than a half-gaggle of women to the tech booth each night. Considering that these women are pretty consistently above a solid standard of attractiveness, Eric gets forgiven for any previous transgressions.
Luke was our newest addition for a long while, and for that we probably treated him like shit. Despite that, he remained in good spirits -- that is, until he quit.
Like that scene in Desperado (1995), where Antonio Banderas and Selma Hayek casually walk across a rooftop as a couple of grenades explode behind them, Luke peaced-out to pursue other career options that didn't include micromanagement and consistently bounced paychecks. We still love him, though.
Word has it that he's a pretty big deal in the arena concert circuit, doing stage management and back line. Considering his history, we wouldn't put pyrotechnics past him, either.
What Shaylyn does for Betatech doesn't really matter (she does whatever the hell we tell her to do!), what does matter is that she's the only fucking girl on the crew. What the hell is wrong with us? A whole team of heterosexual males (although, some of us have our suspicions...) and we were only able to attract one fucking girl. Pathetic.
Anyway, she's pretty hot, so we're just glad we were able to convince her to work with us cool people, instead of just being a fancy-pants go-go dancer all the time. She adds mad credibility to our claims of totally not being complete uber-nerds that just hide in the back and push buttons. Did I mention she's hot?
We're not sure where the hell Patrick came from, or why all of his stories are so damned funny. It's only natural, we suppose, considering he started life as a circus animal.
No, seriously; his talents include juggling, unicycling, card tricks, alcoholism, disc golf, and geology. Sometimes performed simultaneously! It all somehow makes for a great mix of entertainment, and definitely lends itself to inspiring his technical performances.
Patrick is destined for great things in life, unfortunately due to his compulsive spending, he's pretty much doomed to collect a paycheck from Beta for the rest of his life.
The Guy For 'That'
Marcus arrived on the scene during a tumultuous time in Betatech histroy. He was hailed as the go-to "guy for that", when the rest of us thought we were the guys for 'that', respectively. Taking all the credit for work everybody else on your team either started, or already did, whether intentionally or not, is not a way to win new friends. We're forgiving people, though (hah!), and since he's 'the guy' now, we can blame him for everything that's fucked up, or defer work when people ask for something to 'the guy' who's supposed to do 'that'.
He's pretty cool, though, we'll give him that, and he takes all of our crap with a smile. In a way, he's just as fucked up as the rest of us.
Video Something, Something..
We don't want to talk about it.
No, seriously, we don't want to talk about it.
Dan's a fuckin' gangsta. Mothafucka's killed more niggas than an audio guy can count. Don't let that stupid smile fool you. Seriously, don't; Dan will kill you if you do.
Holdin' down the club, singlehandedly at times, Dan's the only one who actually gets anything done. This is mostly because everybody is simply too afraid to refuse to do anything he says. He also controls the flow of information. With a single email, Dan could make a man. With a single email, Dan could fuck your world.
Sadly, Dan's bio is not very funny, but neither is getting shot.
Marc never stops smiling. He's got this creepy, cereal-killer vibe to him. It must just be a small hobby of his, though, because most of the time he'd rather talk about his latest track, or how his group, Parks 'n' Wreck, just killed it in The Lounge again. He's the smartest cerial killer in the world.
Allow me to explain. Marc obviously got fed up with all the dead bodies, and decided to make a change. He became a Beta tech simply to get his foot in the door, so that later he could work up to having one of the most successful residencies in the second room, and finally, weasel his crew's way onto the main floor.
Gotta give the guy props. The only other way to play main floor is to either suck a lot of dick, or kill everybody else, but he gave that up.
Voted "Most Likely To Help When You Really Don't Want Help", Chris has proven himself a reliable source of extra hands for whatever [wholesome!] activities blow your skirt up.
Apparently he's got a shitload of experience in the Hollywood film industry, driving stunt vehicles, pointing cameras, retrieving coffee and the such. It's not that we don't believe his stories, it's just that if all of them are true, that would make him way too cool to be working with the rest of us, so we pretend to ignore them all.
Despite always claiming to be the General Manager's brother (by time, not blood), that doesn't put him above shooting just as many insults up the heirarchy as the rest of us, so he's a good buffer to keep around.
If Betatech were a boy-band, Jonathan would be all five members. It probably takes a lot of work being that pretty, but we wouldn't know; maybe he's born with it, maybe it's Maybelline.
Somewhere along the way he started insisting that we should call him "JT". We have no idea where the 'T' came from. His VJ name, AeonChild, is quite a bit more understandable, considering his Burning Man aesthetic. We're not sure how he handles the issue of maintaining all that prettiness with all that Playa dust out there.
We never did put his name on the fliers like he always insisted on. Oops.
Justin is the guy who gets to stand around being an asshole and shouting crap at the others. The shouting isn't really necessary, nor called for in any way, but he seems to always be doing it regardless. He doesn't ever seem to grasp that yelling doesn't make what you're saying any more correct, but since the things he yells about are generally on point, we give him a pass.
He claims to have a wrap sheet that is too long to even begin to list, but nobody really cares, hence, no sheet, and no list. Let's just say that if we have to hear another fucking "back in my day" story, we're going to do something really terrible.
He's welcome to bring his dog around any time, though. We like her better than him.
Keisuke is an alien. He's been known to profusely proclaim, "I'm from Tokyo," but we really know he's extraterrestrial; Tokyo is just a front. How else would you explain his insatiable thirst for human libations, and his inability to stay awake through a whole club night?
When he's not sleeping, he was sometimes known to control various images on various screens, and if he wasn't doing that, he was probably attempting to convince various young girls to give him fallacio in the liquor cooler.
Wait, maybe he was just Japanese.
We seriously think TJ is bored with his job. Not his Betatech job, but his marketing job. Sure he might spend most of the day in his little office doing marketing things, but at night, he can't seem to keep his inky little hands off our tech gear. Every time we walk away he's on the controls within seconds. We're all about other people doing our shit for us, but only if they actually know what they're doing.
The real thruth, though, is that TJ knows all the good pussy is attracted to the tech area. Not only is it right next to all those famous DJs, but it's filled with all of us cool Betatech people! It's okay TJ, you may never get laid, but at least you get to be in cool photos standing behind, and slightly off to the side of the rest of us.
Want to know more about what we do, and how we do it? Want a chance to do what we do (so we don't have to)?
If you've got what it takes to walk from the bar to the tech booth carrying us shots, you're in! Get in touch, join the party.